May 13, 2010

Today reaffirms my status as an addict. I will remain a nicotine addict for life. The best that I can do is to control it. As soon as I got out of the lousy Goan airport and walked a few paces, I had made up my mind to smoke as long as I was in Goa. I was a chimney for the next 2 days and enjoyed each and every cigarette to the fullest.

Such a system of smoking only during the vacation sounds very good, but I am not very good with moderation and I fear that I will become a full time smoker soon.

However, I am determined to not smoke and I shall treat these couple of days as a minor setback and go ahead without beating myself up too much.

As a matter of fact I was looking forward to going to Goa and may be deep down I was looking for a reason to smoke. It is this attitude that I am scared of. If this continues, I shall start taking more and more vacations. I need to go on a vacation where I don't smoke, just to prove to myself that I can control my urge.